Speak Up, Boy-o!!

When just a glance has to suffice.

Even when it clearly not enough.

As long as I remain afraid to make the first move, the chasm of silence that seperates us will always remain.

When will I stop being afraid?

Until then, I have to be content with just a glance.

Till, next time…when I hopefully have more courage.

Take My Hand & Let’s Make It Worth Our While

A man, Clifford Harris Jr. once sang about how his girl could have whatever she liked and go wherever she liked.

You might know him better as T.I.

I love that song and not just cos he’s my favourite rapper. The boy that’s reppin’ Bankhead is one of the realest rappers in the game.

But it’s also cos that’s what I want to do. Be able to bring my girl whatever and wherever she likes.

Know this, all that ain’t for me. It’s mostly just for her.

If it was just for me, a visit to Old Trafford and a few Man Utd games ‘live’ would do me fine.

It may sound shallow, but I wish I was rich so I could bring you round Europe. Not just any kind of Europe but the real one. Sure, we’ll do the tourist thing once or twice but I want to go see the real Paris, the real London, the real Rome.

Why Europe? It has such a storied storied history, with many distinct cultures that remain distinct even in today’s borderless world.

Where the arty performing kids hang, where painters find their muse, follow that road, off the beaten path and past that alley or two.

Of course, I might have to go with my best friends first, cos I know they’ll have my back, in case that particular alley turns out to be unsafe and we get into a few hair-raising shenanigans.

I don’t just want to see the Eiffel Tower or the Louvre or the Fontana di Trevi, I want to see more, see deeper than that.

I’d love it if you would come with me.

I don’t have rich parents to pay for my trips overseas.

Everyone’s been jetting off everywhere these past 2 weeks.

Never mind, I know I’ll feel better if it’s my own nickel and dime.

Problem is, you might have to wait a while.

But, I promise.

I’ll work towards being able to afford it.

We’ll give the touristy stuff the go round once, just to say we did it. The Conrad, buffet breakfasts and hired cars.

After that, that’s when the real fun begins.

Dingy motels with broken heaters.

Wonderfully lost in alley markets.

Having a dinner of bread as we watch street buskers by the waterfront.

Let’s ditch the dumb guided tours, we’ll have one of our own with us as the guides and the passengers of our own little ride.

We won’t need the little souvenirs of the replica Eiffel Towers, ours will be in our cameras and etched in our hearts as experiences and in our minds as memories.

One day, I promise.

Bigger Than My Body

When do we start living in the real world?

When will that day come?

That same day where we bury our hopes and dreams and focus on surviving reality.

Banish any notions of idealism far away and start chasing that paper (money, qualifications, deeds) and leave all the dreams that we had unfulfilled.

I know that the real world isn’t black and white. Not everybody had to give up their ambitions while earning a living.

But I also know of those who have given up.

There is nothing wrong with working hard and earning an honest living. In fact, it should be respected.

I always thought I would do something more. Serve a bigger purpose.

A daily job?

Sure, I’ll do that BUT I also want to bring joy to those who are not as privileged.

Especially kids.

Bring them joy through sports. Soccer, simply because it’s the most uncomplicated. 1 ball, 2 sets of markers for goalposts and you’ve got something 22 kids can do right there.

Provide them an opportunity to be educated.

Like I said, a bigger purpose.

I think I’ve chosen mine.

I realize these ambitions are noble but the problem with being idealistic is that one may be too blind to be realistic.

Reality tends to get in the way of these ideals.

Look, I ain’t no saint. I’m gonna chase my paper. A lot of paper. But when I get that paper as if I’m a rap star, I’m determined to give it back like how I mentioned above.

Is my ambition justifiable or am I just another one of those people desperately hanging on to his ideals, just waiting to crash and burn?

Bah, the real world calls again. Reports to do. Tell me why I fall so easily at the great evil that is procrastination?

With The Safety Pin Still On

Initially, I thought I hadn’t done much during this 2 week vacation.

Looking back, I may have done too much.

Watched Avatar twice, once in digital, 3D the second time round.

Just came back from watching Sherlock Holmes. Good British wit on display.

I even watched a Hindi movie, De Dana Dan. Despite the slightly convoluted plot, Katrina Kaif was just lovely. A gorgeous Bollywood chick. Heck, she more than lovely, she crazy hot!

Avatar has to go down as the BEST movie of 2009. James Cameron answered his doubters and then proceeded to blow them away. He deserves credit just for the amount of flak the movie received even during the preview stages.

Satisfied my Left 4 Dead 2 cravings too.

I was quite lucky when mom brought home a Steve Berry book, ‘The Charlemagne Pursuit’. So I got to read it for free!

Wanted to buy Robin Thicke’s latest album, ‘Sex Therapy: The Experience’ (Deluxe Edition) but the price of $33 was just way too steep. Not a problem, I have other ways of getting around  the steep price.

But I did walk around and indulge in the sights of the festive season. That was certainly nice.

These 2 weeks have been fun. Safe, but fun nonetheless. Not the unadulterated debauchery that I know I can get into but I enjoyed it all the same. Maybe I’ll save the crazy stuff for another time. After all, the school semester isn’t quite over.

However, this much fun…reduced the time I spent on projects.

Hardly any good.

For my own sake, I’ve got to get back on track.

P.S// Life’s good but I’m still thinking about what I can’t have.

P.P.S// This break’s too short to go for a real holiday. Can I go Australia and stay for a bit after I graduate? I sure could use THAT kinda fun. =)

Be Sure To Write Back

I must say, this has felt like a very slow week.

There’s been work to do.

There have been a couple of outings that have saved the day(s).

I’ve been slightly depreessed recently.

I’ve realized that pretty soon, we all have to go through something I loathe; saying goodbye.

I’ve been through it once during my ITE days and it sucked. This time, it’s for the people in my polytechnic.

i once came across this saying about friendship which should apply (with the wording perhaps modified)

“Real friendship isn’t about staying close all the time, real friendship sees that nothing changes between friends, even after a long time apart.”

We may not always be together but when push comes to shove, we have to be there for our friends. The bond is still there.

I guess remembering that quote for this post does make me feel better.

I know that I’ll get on fine in life and i’ll have to go through National Service. And should I make it there, the thought of being completely alone in a foreign university is a very daunting one. it’s a challenge for anyone to rise up to.

I know I probably will enjoy going overseas (that’s still years away)…

BUT

It’s comforting to fall back on what we know and are familiar with.

There are some that I am very familiar with. The thought of losing that familiar comfort sucks.

But we all have  to move on sometime, don’t we?

=(

Strands In Your Eyes, Colour Them Wonderful; Stop Me And Steal My Breath

I don’t know what it is about tonight that’s got me feeling this way.

Dance like the ballroom’s empty
Our eyes all that we see
Move to dreamy rhythm

Can I just have you in my arms, while we dance away the night?

Even though I don’t deserve it now. I want to.

One day, I will. I wish it would come sooner though.

Everyone makes mistakes, I’m just reflecting on the ones I have made and the ones I’ve almost made.

I can only hope that they will not rob me of that special dance one day.

Call me corny, cheesy, lame or whatever you damn well want. Hate the actors, love them, I don’t care. I just care about how the whole thing feels like.

This is one of the memorable numbers from the much-maligned Disney franchise. Especially when one has a girl like that to dance with.

I was born on the same day as him.

I may not look anywhere as good as him but I can at least promise to try to live up to the words he sings and dances to.

Like I said, I don’t know what it is about tonight that’s got me feeling this way.

Stick Together & Don’t Shoot Your Friends

Stick together, shoot ‘em dead and find safe shelter.

That seemed to be the order of the day for Saturday.

Zombieland was pretty nice,  I would have liked slightly more zombie-killing but the comedy made up for it. The group dynamic was so dysfunctional. I don’t know if I could have tolerated Wichita’s (Emma Stone) temperament. I wanted to knock her out with a bat at time, they way she kept screwing the two guys over.

Her saving grace? She’s hot, hotter as a brunette.

Later on that night, a call from the secondary school friends saw me play Left 4 Dead 2.

That’s right, more zombies waiting to be killed.

I think that the sequel game isn’t as straighforward as the first one. I think I’d probably get better the more times I play it.

The stages are longer and the layout is more open, making it easier for gung-ho team members to get seperated and more avenues of attack for the survivors to cover. I’m a useful team player and ain’t that great but I enjoy it. I’m looking forward to playing more of this game over the next few weeks.

It’s a wonder I didn’t fall asleep dreaming of zombies last night.

Made plans with friends to watch the Snow White musical on now but I’m not sure if I’ll follow through on it.

A must watch to catch is the Chicago musical next year. Problem is, I don’t know if I would still be available to watch it. It’s an international class play and can’t be missed. SISTIC has more details.

Tease me for being artsy-fartsy for watching plays? Well, I’m sure this one’s got a good-looking girl or two. =p

Spread around the two zombie-related activities, was Starbucks & Pizza Hut at United Square and window shopping at Suntec with Farah and Suwandi. The latter was Farah’s friend; a nice guy. And Farah’s one of those girls that you shouldn’t make fun of, because she can pretty much do it by herself. =) But she is a nice girl cos she paid for my Zombieland movie ticket, as my belated birthday present.

Alas, I couldn’t find suitable Adidas gear to buy. But I am now very tempted to get the Manchester United jackets at Nike’s stores.

School’s been okay. What lies ahead is daunting. There’s lots to do with very little time to do it. Best not to talk about it and just get stuff done instead. This should happen during the 2 week break which starts next week. It’s weird cos my batch just came back to school last week but before we know it. It would be 2010 and we’d have 8 weeks of school left.

I did end the Saturday with a tinge of regret.

Regret that I’m such a yellow-bellied idiot who can’t find the courage to talk to a girl who brings his dose of java joy. I know that I will probably end up regretting my hesitant nature sooner or later.

Meanwhile, i suggest you all stock up on medical supplies, guns and ammo along with non-perishable food. Many will become food.

Food…for zombies…

Have fun playing L4D2 and for those of you wondering what  the hype is all about (I’ve spoken to a few people), go try. It’s a fun activity to do wih your friends.

If a zombie outbreak does happen, I suppose I’ll be the guy in the group who would risk his ass just to save the girl his crushin’ on instead of heading straight for the safe zone.

P.S. – I like it very much when Selena Gomez tries to speak Spanish. Me likeee.

It’s Like You’re Always Stuck In Second Gear

After three months, my life as an intern is finally over. While it was never an exciting experience, it wasn’t that much of a nightmare. The people who were along for the ride and people at the place made it much more bearable. It was a good, sobering experience about the real world.

Had  to rush down to school after work last Monday. A scriptwriter’s briefing for the school’s big musical next year. The story’s all fleshed out, just needs lines. The songwriters have already started, so we gotta play catch up. Not to sound cocky but my personal ambition is to make a significant contribution to the script. Just a personal goal. We’ve got a good team of other students working on it together. Before I start writing, I gotta watch West Side Story. This calls for a trip to the video store.

School opens on Monday and I’m nowhere near ready. I’ve got to get back-to-school supplies tomorrow. Probably for the last time, since this is my last school semester before I go off to serve the country next year.

It was also this week that I got caught up in two contrasting situations that showed the importance of treasuring what we have.

Take someone for all that they are. They good, the bad and the ugly. For some people, I’m quite willing to do that. Sounds cheesy but in reality, that’s easier said than done. Think about it.

The letter I received made my day, my month and probably my year. Danke, fraulein. (Thank you, miss). You’re on I know I can count on. I really hope you plan to stay around for a long time. Just like these two.

I’ve got to start writing next week! Scriptwriters are supposed to reconvene in January. I really hope I can find time between school (which I already predict is going to be an absolute BITCH this semester!) to produce something decent.

I fear the writer’s block and I fear I will end up like this in front of the computer.

All Actors Standby For Curtain Call

Standing on the cusp of the end of another chapter in my college life.

4 days of intern life left, the final drama production over and done with.

That will probably be my final involvement in the arts for a long time. Of course, there’s the TP musical to write for but that’s been going on since before.

Strange how something I never thought I would be doing 4 and a half years ago would turn out to be such a big part of my life.

Thrust into positions of responsibility, I don’t think I’ve excelled at it. I’ve done what I can and at times, it may have not been enough.

There’s a certain sense of finality about the…final…production in my student life. There were days when I did question the choice I made to stay and be involved, when I needn’t have been.

Was I good enough? Was I doing things right?

Honestly, I think not. But I gave what I could. But I know I should have given more. Nonetheless, it’s been a useful learning experience.

I don’t think I’m a very good actor. Perhaps, I’m better off doing other things in a production. With enough practice, I might be a good producer, having being involved in a lot of the prep work for a production. Having said that, I’d like to have a quirky, supporting role in a play. Maybe one day I’ll get the chance once again.

I really do wish I could have a future in this. I don’t need to make it a full-time job but I’d love to continue doing this in some capacity.

I’m not quite artistic. I don’t have the flair that others have to bring a play alive with artistic vision and all.

I have to apply myself a lot with dramatic common sense and also use what little experience that I have.

But, just like them, I have dreams too.

I wish I could write that killer play. A play that is artistically sound and something the audience would enjoy watching. It needn’t be at  the Esplanade or anywhere showy. I’d like it to be a youth-centered production too.

The programme for the play listed me as producer but I figure I didn’t even merit that title. I just helped out wherever I could, the best I could but I’m more experienced for it all.

We may not have done things the best way possible but we all did it in the end. I’d like to thank all the drama members for allowing me to experience this last show. Whether it was any good, whether a certain percentage of the audience liked it or otherwise; for now it doesn’t matter. Through all the good times and particularly the bad, we’ve learned and these are the lessons that I’ll remember, more so than any business-related theory.

So thank you Dramatec, thank you Teatro. The stage may have not be the grandest and we’ve not been the most acclaimed but I’ve enjoyed the ride.

That’s the end of the show. Thank you all and have a good day.

Set It Off And The Sun Burned Out Tonight

I see and old one almost everyday, I’m thinking of the new one everyday but a few nights ago, I had a dream about another one. Damn.

I’m also a silly boy for liking someone who is already taken.

That’s it for my personal life. My responsibilities have been creating havoc for me.

I might wonder whether some things were worth the trouble. Perhaps they’re not. But since I can’t extricate myself from the situation, I might as well face it, with whoever’s left that’s also willing to face it.

Recent developments have only served to highlight the many shortcomings that I still have, in terms of assertiveness and organization. I wish I could be better cos I know I’m not. I will be, just perhaps not right now.

In the past, I might have cowered and moaned about my lack of abilities but now, I only see room for improvement. Yes, I’m a much more positive thinker than that 13 year old kid 9 years ago.

That doesn’t mean I’m not affected, I still wish I could escape.

I really was hoping that this Sunday would be the day that I get a little bit of that escape.

I really wanted FM 2010 for some reason. The anticipation that comes when one starts playing is a nice idea at this point.

Some may think it’s silly that one can find solace in a game, but we all do what we have to.

I also wanted to see my latte fix and my java joy this weekend but yet again, I have to postpone it.

Perhaps next weekend would be a better fit, with my drama things already ended and my SIP is in the cusp of ending. The storm would be over.

Which means that this weekend, is the calm before the storm. I might be wrong but I anticipate this coming week to be my most harrowing and stressful week since the event my class had to handle for school back in July.

It would have been nice to have the energy booster that I wanted but I suppose I would have to use it as a celebration event next week instead. Coffee and soccer, two of my interests, as listed on Facebook.

Nice.

There’s also been a flurry of emails regarding the script for next year’s big school musical. It would be nice if I could again make contributions to making it a good show.

One show at a time, Khai.

One show at a time.